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What Would Your “Deathbed Self” Tell You Today? | Lauren Deeley | TED
What Would Your “Deathbed Self” Tell You Today? | Lauren Deeley | TED
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Phụ đề (135)
0:03
I want you to imagine yourself on your deathbed.
0:09
But you're smiling.
0:12
Your soul is exhausted and full.
0:17
What do you look like?
0:19
What are you wearing?
0:20
Who's with you, where are you?
0:24
Everything in my life that I'm most proud of,
0:28
I can attribute to conversations
0:30
that I've had with someone very important to me.
0:33
Her name is Deathbed Deeley.
0:37
(Laughter)
0:38
Let me explain.
0:40
I have this deep, crystal-clear relationship
0:42
with my future, deathbed self.
0:44
She has deep smile lines from a lifetime spent laughing,
0:47
leathery skin from spending so much time outside,
0:51
long gray hair.
0:52
And before you think I'm crazy for talking to my deathbed self,
0:57
there's actual research to back up this approach
1:00
to making big, bold decisions.
1:02
Hal Hershfield, the UCLA psychologist and professor,
1:05
has shown that our brains actually treat our future selves
1:09
as a completely separate person from our today-self.
1:12
And this can make it really hard
1:14
to make decisions that benefit our long-term well-being.
1:17
And his research also showed
1:20
that when we can stay connected to our future selves,
1:23
we often lead more fulfilling lives.
1:25
So for me, deathbed Deeley isn't another person.
1:28
She's me, I'm her right now.
1:30
And our conversations have led me on a wild path
1:33
that so far has taken me to a career where I get to help other people
1:37
talk to their own deathbed selves.
1:40
And no, I'm not a late-night TV psychic.
1:44
I work in financial planning and wealth management.
1:48
(Laughter)
1:50
I know, it's not what I was expecting either,
1:52
but hear me out.
1:53
My career is about so much more than just managing your money.
1:57
It's about helping you envision your future self
1:59
to get to know him or her or them,
2:02
and then be their advocate
2:03
so that today-you can go make big, bold decisions.
2:08
But let's back up.
2:09
The first time I met Deathbed Deeley, I was 22 years old
2:12
and I had this insane opportunity to take all my meager savings
2:16
and buy a hostel in San Jose, Costa Rica.
2:19
Now there are about a thousand "what ifs"
2:21
and "what can go wrongs" with a decision like this.
2:23
So with the sellers on the phone, like, an actual corded phone,
2:26
I sat on a bed,
2:28
closed my eyes,
2:29
and I asked myself:
2:31
What would my future self think?
2:34
And then I saw her.
2:36
Laugh lines, gray hair, aspen trees out the window.
2:38
I imagined walking away from the deal,
2:40
and there was this look of deep disappointment
2:43
on Deathbed Deeley's face.
2:45
And then I imagined saying yes.
2:47
She got this wry little smile, and this sense of deep, powerful,
2:52
calm energy filled my body.
2:54
The choice was clear: I was buying a hostel.
2:57
(Laughter)
2:59
Now fast forward, a few years ago,
3:01
I got a call from two friends of a great client.
3:03
To protect their privacy, we'll call them Alex and Avery.
3:06
Alex and Avery had just experienced the sudden passing of a dear friend
3:10
just hours after they'd been skiing together.
3:13
Their friend was 62 years old.
3:15
And this awakened something in them that they had known for quite some time.
3:19
The typical plan of work until 65, then retire, then finally live,
3:23
was wrong for them.
3:24
What they wanted was to work until age 55,
3:28
take a ten-year "pre-retirement,"
3:31
spending time with the people they love,
3:32
doing the things that they love.
3:34
Then they'd go back to the workforce at age 65,
3:37
in novel, low-stress jobs.
3:40
This is my catnip.
3:42
So we sat down,
3:43
we put a plan in place that was personalized to them.
3:47
And what I can tell you is that as they're moving towards this goal,
3:50
they are experiencing more joy, more spaciousness,
3:53
because they're on a path that's right for their future selves.
3:57
Now back in the pandemic,
3:59
I got a call from one of my favorite people in the whole world.
4:03
We'll call her Lil.
4:05
Lil's life had just fallen apart.
4:06
Her words.
4:08
She'd been living in Vermont, teaching art,
4:10
when suddenly the world shut down and her mother passed away.
4:14
So she goes out to the west coast to visit some friends.
4:17
She stops into a little shop that she'd known for years.
4:20
The shop owner was also struggling -- pandemic --
4:22
and offered Lil the chance to take over the business.
4:25
Now for most people,
4:27
buying a retail business in the middle of a global shutdown
4:32
would be a hard no.
4:35
But Lil said yes, instantly.
4:37
She had no plan, no idea how it would work out,
4:39
no business experience.
4:41
But when she got quiet and thought about her future,
4:44
it was an immediate “hell yes.”
4:46
So we got to work.
4:48
We mapped out the cash flow needs, the runway, the safety net,
4:51
the investment plan we'd leg into as the business started to succeed.
4:54
And now, five years later, I can tell you, the shop is thriving.
4:57
From that moment in the pandemic,
5:00
Lil's life has exploded in abundance
5:04
in ways that I don't think either of us could have imagined.
5:07
All because she followed that one clear yes
5:11
from her future self.
5:14
Now I believe the purpose of life is to be able to get to the end
5:18
and look back and say, "Damn!
5:21
I lived that one."
5:22
(Laughter)
5:23
Yeah, my people are like, right here.
5:25
(Laughter)
5:28
And that starts with having better conversations.
5:32
Go find a financial partner who will meet you where you're at,
5:35
ask better questions, listen.
5:36
Who will help you get to know your future self and be their advocate.
5:40
And most importantly,
5:42
go talk to your deathbed selves.
5:45
Our deathbed selves are so attuned to our core values
5:48
that when we really take the time to envision
5:51
and relate to who we will be in that moment
5:54
when the veil between this life and the next gets thin,
5:58
we act according to what really matters to our soul.
6:02
And when we make decisions with that framework,
6:05
we will all have the joy of looking back on our lives exhausted, smiling
6:12
and ready for the next adventure.
6:14
Thank you.
6:15
(Cheers and applause)
